I like Twitter.
My Twitter feed is full of interesting and amusing people who make me laugh, teach me something or – most importantly – laugh at what I have to say. It’s a great way to waste time and an even better way for me to find out which celebrity has died before phoning my Mum to tell her. She’s all “really, how did you know?” Then I’m all, “I’m psychic” but she’s like “no, really, how did you know?” to which I restate “I’m psychic” and she’s a bit like “really?” and I say “yes” and then it’s a bit silent for a while before we talk about Coronation Street. I digress.
Sometimes, I venture outside of my cocoon of reasonably amusing people to The Dark Side. This happens for one of two reasons.
1) I click on a hashtag to see if I can amuse myself. These will be things like #WhatMaBabyMamaSays or #BlackBwoisAre and will end with things like “*kisses teeth* sort yo bump n grind out boi LOL” and “all about the pussayyyyyy AINT I RIGHT LATEHSA” and so I exit while silently judging people I don’t know and decide to make a sandwich instead, or something.
2) Because I’ve tweeted words like cock, fanny, twat, hot or desperate – not necessarily in a sexual manner – and get an instant add/@reply from a delightful young gentleman asking if I want a little summinsummin’. (NB: No. I don’t. Ever.) I’ll click through and their profile is always just full of @replies to pornstars and celebrities asking to see tits. Speaking of which, I came across this today – a gentleman giving out his Blackberry pin and asking women to add him over and over again, but with this sandwiched in the middle. Oh! It made me guffaw, for some reason: