After the mind-bogglingly boring sex scandals that saw Ronan Keating bonk a dancer, Vernon Kay texting someone telling her he had the horn and Ashley ‘I’m less interesting than a potato’ Cole posing for the world to see in what looked suspiciously like Primark pants, I’m bored.

If there’s no exposé on a BNP councillor paying a black, pre-op transsexual to defecate on his chest or pictures showing me that Ant and Dec are in fact a couple, I don’t much care. When the leading respected publications The Sun and The Daily mail reported on sporadically funnyman Jason Manford sending sexy tweets (twexts? Sweets? Seexts?) to a chubby funster called Something McSomething, I can’t say I was blown away. Average looking man chances it and requests to see average looking woman’s breasts? In my world, that’s called ‘every minute of the day in London.’ Seriously. I’ve lived here for a few months and I’ve been curb crawled several times (OK, twice). I dress more like a 1920s housewife than a street-walker and haven’t seen a red light in my area; it must be the junk in my trunk. I digress.

Jason ‘Flowery Shirt Collection’ Manford is a married father-of-two who is expecting a third package of his crotchfruit to be deposited to him in around a month. Uh oh. Asking to see the peach, George bra of 22-year-old while your wife is at her most mentally hormonal is both unwise and stupid. Not only is it shockingly hurtful behaviour, it’s silly because – hello! – have you ever seen a pregnant woman’s funbags? You had steak at home, Manford.

The only thing about this weekend kerfuffle that made me do a little facepalm was a retweet I saw. While rightfully acknowledging that Jason ‘Did You Know I’m From The North’ Manford is not the first and won’t be the last attached, purportedly monogamous male to rejoice in the extra attention that XX chromosomes are giving him, she went on to say something with made the denim-wearing feminist within me shriek.

“Twitter is a big trap for weak celebrity men lured in by sluts who want to make easy money jason manford isnt the first wont be the last.”

I would say that I’m defensive by virtue of having a minge, but so did the tweeter. I’ll make a few points instead.

1. Slut: A slovenly or promiscuous woman, as defined by the OED.

I’ll give you slovenly. Just. Promiscuous? Who knows! It was a Twitter direct message; as far as I’m aware, The Sun is unsure of how many gentlemen’s faces she’s been wiggling her arse crack at.

2. “Lured.”


3. Side note, what is behind her? I thought it was a children’s toy. Or DIY equipment?









There’s got to be something wrong if I’m looking beyond the boobs in a photo.

4. Huh. My argument is a lot weaker than I thought.

5. Something compelling.

6. I don’t think this qualifies as a trap, seeing as he reportedly requested the pictures. Oh, and that he has his own mind. Sometimes I’d love to force my boobs on Zach Galifianakis (WHAT?!? I like beards)  but it’s never worked out for me. So far.


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