Men want to be him, girls want to be with him…

What comes into your mind when you think of Steve McFadden?

“Who the crusty balls is that, Allie?” probably.

Well world, I shall tell thee. Sir Steve God Amongst Men McFadden is an actor. He plays Phil “Hardnut, Dad of a Ginger Gay” in Eastenders.

Wouldn’t want to mess with that, would you? Oh no. Oh-ho-ho no. You trouble King Phil Mitchell and he’ll be all up in your grill wheezin’ and smelling of vodka mumbling something about Grant and needing to get back to The Arches.

But what do you think of the man behind the character? The man, the teddy-bear, the legend? Did you know one of his daughters has the middle name Tinkerbell? No, neither did I. Did you know he has a Politics A-Level? Nope, me neither. Did you know he left Eastenders for a year in the early noughties to concentrate specifically on pantomimes? NO? Me bloody neither! This man is like an onion; so full of layers.

And of course let’s not forget he likes to go dogging.

Most impressively of all, Sweaty McChubby studied at RADA. Bloody RADA; only one of the most renowned drama schools in the world. Who’da thunk it? Not me! Maybe that’s just how good of an actor he is. Anyway, after the imprisonment of his mini-me, Phil turns to crack. Blah, blah, blah – nobody cares. I just stumbled across a quote that made me giggle like someone was blowing raspberries on my belly:

The actor, who plays Phil Mitchell in the soap, said he has gorged the food real junkies consume as he tackles his character’s descent into drug addiction.

He told the TV Times: “After my first day of shooting the crack story, I went and ate two ice-creams and had some fizzy drinks – you know, food that real addicts crave.”

He went on: “Then I fell asleep in my dressing room for two hours. You do have to live it to some extent.”

Hehe-haha-hoho. I really hope he wasn’t being sarcastic and he truly is going all method in his acting. I haven’t read the rest of the interview – because, really, why? – but I’d like to think it ends thusly:

“After I wake, I spend a few hours picking my arse and alternate between trying to screw my producer and trying to steal his wallet,” he continued “and after more ice-cream, I’ll masturbate publicly, sell a few old vinyl’s and then make up the deficit with my dealer by blowing him to get my fix.”


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