I feel shame.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been, well, forever actually since my last confession because I’m not a Catholic. Or religious. At all. Never mind though; this is my sin.

After a ridiculous amount of exercise and perspiration today I squealed to myself “oooooh yeeeeeeah, time for a bubble bath!” because I’d bought Radox Relax in a really nice shade of purple and it looked positively delightful.

I digress.

I got into the bath and thought I’d switch on the radio. Big mistake. It’s not one of those DAB things because a) I don’t really know what they are b) I rarely listen to the radio anyway and c) if I let myself get any more addicted to The Archers, all my friends will make fun of me so, instead of being able to listen to 6 Music, I just blew around some bubbles and listened to Radio One.

….And sang along to a really bad song.

A really bad song by…

I can’t even say it.

I liked it. I whistled along. Now I can’t take this back.

It was Justin Bieber with that chubby guy who ruined my summer with an insanely shitty but massive song called Beautiful Girls for which, in the video, he was thumping around a burger bar. I remember seeing it and jokin “LOL. I BET HE’S REALLY DROOLING OVER THE CHIPS AND NOT THE LADIES. LOL” to nobody in particular. Girls can be so cruel.

It’s called Eenie Meenie (ugh) and the chorus is awful(ly catchy)

Cause shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova

There are three problems with this.

1) What’s an eenie meenie miney mo lova?

2) Surely she’s ‘an’ eenie meenie miney mo lova

3) I’m overlooking this and I’m liking it.

So, yeah. I feel disgusting. Sorry. I’ll say a few Hail Mary’s, molest some boys and I’ll be fine again?


I’ll leave out the Hail Mary’s.


I’ll do one Hail Mary.


I won’t. I’m not Catholic.


No molesting. I’m not a paedophile either.


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