Oh, Hell Naw.

HahahahahahahahahNO.

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HahahahaWHAT?

So it looks like after that hullabaloo regarding Chris ‘Anger Problem’ Brown punching his then-girlfriend Rihanna ‘Pon De Replay Was Better Than Any Shit I Sing Now’ Nosurname a few times and his career taking quite the nosedive, he’s come out the other side and getting gigs again! Hoobloodyrah, the world of music has surely missed his crooning about shorties looking so fine.

He was booked on at the BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards to sing Man In The Mirror as a ‘moving’ tribute to Michael ‘Hey Macauly Caulkin, We’re Home Alone!’ Jackson which, I don’t know, is symbolic? I really didn’t like Michael Jackson for a whole bunch of reasons but, even objectively, I’m not so keen on his music.

THERE, I SAID IT.

Genuinely, I’m just not fussed by him. Yeah, he could swivel a bit and hit a high note but I didn’t enjoy it. However, I do like that song. So imagine my delight when I get to hear a lovely performance of it, right?

WRONG.

Hey! Chris Brown!

Nice crocodile tears there, baby. Way to make it all about yourself, homeboy.

‘Comedy’ on BBC3

Dear the apparent dribbling spastic that is the BBC3 comedy comissionner,

I saw your trailor for Mongrels on the telly today. A puppet show comedy for adults, you say? I use the term ‘comedy’ loosely. And sarcastically. And spitefully. And bitchily. I’m slightly worried that, in this case, you aren’t.

You give me this but you cancel Pulling once upon a time? That was funny. That had jokes.

You want me to write a joke for you? Yeah? Shall I? Hm?

JENNY FROST AND A METAL BOX TELLING A FAT GIRL TO LAY OFF THE SUNBEDS, THEN HAVING SAID GIRL WIPE OFF SOME EYELINER AND MAKING THAT SEQUENCE INTO A HALF HOUR SHOW. That’s a joke.

Yours,

Allie

xoxo

P.S Joking! Can I have some more Snog, Marry or Avoid? It’s just not on enough!

P.P.S Please, let’s have an American Dad-a-thon. It’s hilarious!

P.P.P.S Make a show about some WAGs feeding the poor or something, yeah? I love that stuff.

P.P.P.S NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT.

Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes: Her Wikipedia page tells me she is an actress, comedienne (really?), fashion designer (REALLY?), singer, voice actor and philosopher*.

She recently announced on Twitter, as publicists are a dying breed, that she intends to retire from acting at the tender age of 24. I think she was wasted playing characters, though. Her Twitter feed shows me just what an intelligent, deep thinker this hamster-cheeked girl is. I picked a few of her musings that touched me most to share with you.

I like black men I’m just very attracted to them fyi

I hate perverted dudes ew

BF = boyfriend. GF = girlfriend (because apparently we had no idea)

Sometimes I joke around and sometimes I’m serious

Um hi

And my personal favourite:

I only smile if I’m happy if you catch me smiling I’m happy

I think we can all take a few things away from these Tweets. Namely, Amanda Bynes is void of personality but I’m sure there’s something else in there.

*I totes added that for LULZ