I’m Nice.

“Oh, Allie. Sometimes I really worry about you,” my housemate said as I sat down to watch a documentary on Philip Haynes Markoff – a chap, nicknamed The Craigslist Killer, whom at the tender age of 23 was charged with armed robbery, kidnap and murder following incidents with women he had met from can-you-guess-what-website in America.

“Don’t be silly, I’m not getting tips” I chuckled, polishing my knife collection and scanning around the room for my pen and paper.

That was not the first, or indeed last, time a person had made a flippant comment about my interest in crime documentaries. I would just like to go on record as saying I’m not a murderer. I was jumped by a couple of girls and their boyfriends once but I threw a punch which completely missed any body surface of any of my opponents and I ended up taking a battering and spending a few hours in hospital getting my face prodded and x-rayed.

I’m a swearer and a shouter but I’m not a violent person. To harm another person is something so far out of the realm of my comprehension that I’m interested in people to which this comes so easily. My boyfriend is much the same; in the early days between us, I remember him commenting on my knowledge of a particular serial killer and thus our bond was cemented.

In light of Stephen Griffiths being charged with the murder of three missing women from Bradford this week, I’ve noticed a few things cropping up around the interwebz about his love of studying criminology, obsession with documenting his take on various serials killers and, as seen on the The Sun website, his penchant for swallowing live rats.

That got me to-a thinking about my interests that I have which could be seen in an incriminating light.

1) I studied law at university and I really like CSI:NY, ergo; I can commit a crime, immaculately clean the scene and get out of any awkward line of questionning with legal loopholes if need be.

2) The non-fiction part of my book collection is largely made up of crime writing, books on psychotherapy, dumbed down forensics guides and masses of criminal law textbooks. This makes me mental. And a bit boring.

3) I couldn’t sleep last night and went to read the Eyes For Lies blog. This is by a human lie-detector who comments on unresolved criminal cases and the odd celebrity scandal from around the globe. This means I’m getting tips.

4) I like music with guitars in. This means I’m angsty and wild.

4a) I also quite like music with banjos in, so that reduces my Satanic side considerably.

I can’t think of anything else but I’m sure something will pop up. Either before or after the bodies of my schoolmates are found.

HA HA HA. Joke.


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