Self-Esteem? You Can Thank Me Later.

I figured that, while I can’t quite be bothered to do anything bar sit on my arse and laugh at how bad Casualty is, I’d write a quick blog post.

This blog post will be bought to you by the letter S.

S for Sexy.
S for Siren.
S for Slim.
S for Summer.
S for Silly ideas.
S for Sausages?

OK. Got carried away.

From midnight tonight, I will be embarking on a water detox for a couple of days. I like the odd detox every now and again; you know, test my inner strength and shit. I’m going to be crabby. Real crabby. There will be swears. The last time I did this I came out of it with glowing skin and all that associated junk but, within the first afternoon, I was in a rage.

I killed some people.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I’m looking to drop a couple lbs for the summer as that’s what all girls say at this time of year. Also, a friend of mine who used to be a chubster is dropping the weight and I can’t be the fatter friend. I just can’t. No one wants that role; I’m usually ‘funny friend’, ‘drunk friend’ or ‘the brown one’ and I’m cool with those. I’m not cool with people describing me as “you know, the large one”, and saying ‘large’ in that horrible low whisper with an exaggerated mouth shape. You know what I mean. You know. I’m kick starting a ‘lifestyle change’ with this malarky and throwing in a bit of pilates as I might be a vegan but being able to eat chips isn’t giving me this Hollywood body that I read about in OK Magazine. Kerry Pissing Katona has nicer legs than I currently do. KERRY KATONA.

I’m writing it here for the whole interwebz to judge me because, in that way, I’ll have to be accountable for something. If you all know I’m going to ease up on the gluttonous pig side of my personality for a bit, I’ll actually have to because http://www.internationalfailure.com is just not cool.

That’s all I have to say really. I’m going to spend the week being stereotypically girly by worrying about my appearance but then will also be really quite snappy and horrible in the process.

Wonderful.

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