Singletons, You Can Thank Me Later.

Flirting Masterclass 101.

An example to show that the lines from this little pop ditty will work in any circumstance when you have guns like Timbaland.

What’s somebody like you doing in a place like this?
Hi Timbs. This is a crematorium; my aunty just died. What are you doing here?
Did you come alone or did you bring all your friends?
These are my family. My aunty has died. What is Katy Perry doing here?
What’s your name?
Whatchoo’ drinkin’?
I’ve just been crying into this cup of water because, you know, my aunty died.
I think I know what you’re thinking.
Something about my aunty, yes.
Baby, what’s your sign?

Poor, aren’t they? However, when you take your jacket off and have arms like this:

You can pretty much intimidate anyone into sleeping with you*.

These are the chat up lines that will work if you are Katy Venereal Disease Perry:

Do you come here much? I swear I’ve seen your face before.
Hope you don’t see me blush, but I can’t help but want you  more.
Hubba hubba…
I’m flirting with my eyes, wanna leave with you tonight.

And by ‘eyes’ she means…

These eyes will get you most things. You might not want to get everything  Katy Perry has though, if this is what you end up with:

Hey! Russell! While you’re here, I don’t know, how about writing some actual jokes? THANKS.

*Not to lawyers – not insinuating Timbs is a rapist, natch.


One thought on “Singletons, You Can Thank Me Later.

  1. Oh thank God, someone else who doesn't think Russell Brand is a sex god. I salute you. I just think he looks like a dirty badger. And Katy Perry annoys the fuck out of me.

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