Fans Of Political Punditry, You Can Thank Me Later.

The Budget for 2010 was released by the ever radiant Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair ‘P.I.M.P’ Darling just a few hours ago. If you didn’t see it, I’ve gathered a few of the key points (and by key points, I mean the things that appeal to me most) and have provided you beauties with my humble opinion on each. Learn, prosper and enjoy.

Key Point #1 – Alistair Darling was feeling psychedelic when he woke up this morning. Nice tie, loser.

Key Point #2 – On track to achieve £11bn efficiency savings target.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Key Point #3 – Tax allowances for those on over £100,000 gradually removed.
In your face, Cameron!

Key Point #4 – Basic bank account guarantee for a million extra people.
Actually, this one is weird. Slap my face and call me a Tory, but there are people who are currently prohibited from having a bank account? Unless you’re cunting about with an overdraft facility (guilty) I don’t see why you wouldn’t get one.

Key Point #5 – £385m to maintain road network.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Key Point #6 – Tobacco duty up 1% from midnight on Sunday.

Key Point #7 – Wine, beer and spirit duties to rise 2% from midnight on Sunday.
I can handle 2%.

Key Point #8 – Cider duty to rise 10% from midnight on Sunday.

I don’t even drink cider; the last time I had some was probably when I was a Fresher at university and it was bloody cheap. Or maybe in the summer outside in a pub garden to compliment my Malboro Light back in the days when I was just pure reckless. It just seemed like such an extortionate rise that I had to go out and buy some Strongbow.

Stickin’ two fingers up to the man since ’88.


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