People Who Appreciate Reading About Lovey-Dovey Feelings, You Can Thank Me Later.

I’ve only gone and got ma’self a fella, ain’t I? Sorry single men and women worldwide, this minge ain’t for the takin’.

It’s creeping up to a year and The Boyfriend hasn’t yet began to recoil in horror at me, so I think I’m doing something right. It must be the funnies I bring.

He’s all exotic (Northern), intelligent (teaches me new words), patient (repeats the meaning of these new words when I ask incessantly about them for an hour afterwards), caring (makes me laugh with inappropriate jokes when I’m sad) and quite the looker (and by that, I mean fucking fit). My own mother can’t even believe The Boyfriend fancies me. But I was all like “Maaaaaaaaaa, baby got back!” and it all made sense.

I’m waiting for the day when he turns round to me and shouts “PSYCH” in my face before whipping a hidden camera out of his arse and Funnyhand Beadle descends from the sky, but we’ve been talking about moving up to Rung Two on the Commitment Ladder and moving in together. Good sign, surely? Fabulous sign if you ask me. I was ready to become betrothed to this incredible man before he had even asked for my mobile number but I hear being batshit crazy isn’t a desirable trait in a mate.

Rockhopper penguins mate for life and I’m going to look to those bad boys for inspiration. He is the yin to my yang, the David Beckham to my Victoria (bypassing Rebecca Loos), the naan to my masala. When we were made, we were destined to be together.

I’m not entirely sure what he saw in me as he made the first move; I can only put it down to the enormously forceful telepathic urges I was sending his way. A sort of brain rape, if you will. He’s just a couple leagues higher with his beautiful face, sporty interests and all-round smackings of Fucking Awesomeness. I appear to have a bit of a breakout, define an energetic day as one where I had to run to the bus stop and snort when I laugh. I don’t bring the cool to this relationship.

As long as I remember to:
1) Always shave my legs
2) Keep my nerdy video game references to LOW
3) Turn the Mental Bunny Boiler side of my personality to OFF
4) And always do my best to make him happy

I might be in with a shot for long term love. He is The One.
He makes me a better person and I hope I can provide him with all the love and happiness he gives to me. I can’t imagine life without the cheeky scamp. He is my everything.

…Also, he’s bloody filthy! Brilliant.


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