Rant Fans, You Can Thank Me For This Whenever.

Dear Little Old Lady Holding Up A Massive Fucking Queue In The 99p Store,

How are you? I’m not sure you’d remember me; I was the patient young woman behind you in the queue that you didn’t turn round in to apologise to after you’d spent fucking ages paying for your bollocks IN PENNIES.

Let’s just go over this, shall we?

Firstly, I don’t mean to disrespect as you’re an elder. You can remember back before Channel 4 and when Tony Blackburn was The Man on Radio 1; for that, you have my respect. But why, WHY OH WHY, when you know you only have coppers in your beaded little purse, do you wait until the till to even remove it from your bumbag let alone start getting the money ready?

Bitch, I got shit to do.

I’m not mean (I mean brave) enough to tut loudly behind your back to make you feel bad but I really wanted to punch you in the face. Also, if you know your purse holds the right amount of money bar one or two pence, shove it all on the counter. I really don’t need you handling one copper at a time.

If I see you around again, you’d better have an apology ready.

Lots of love, Allie. x


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