Life, You Can Thank Me Later.

I’m wearing my security pants today. You know, the comfortable pants that come out on laundry day; the pants that you’ve had for way too long and should probably throw out but don’t. (If my boyfriend is reading this, please still love me.)

And it got me a-thinking, surely I’ve come along way since my world of GCSEs, O-Town* and discos? The following are five things that, thankfully, have changed since I was 16.

  • My love of wearing boy clothes.

I used to buy shapeless skater boy jeans from the catalogue, attach chains to them and wear studded belts. Shapeless! Skater boy! Catalogue! Just three of the many things wrong with that.

  • My complexion.

My forehead had more bumps than included in a 12-pack of Durex Pleasuremax condoms.

  • The idea that green jeans and red boots makes me look anything but like a Christmas elf.

That really does say it all. Bad times.

  • My love affair with Myspace.

I once went to a house party that was advertised on MySpace. I only recognised the other little losers from bad angle photographs on their multicoloured MySpace pages and everyone was a lot fatter, and uglier, than they tried to make out. Obsession ended.

  • My boyfriend.

This one is a great relief because we would have had some really hairy babies otherwise.

*I’m sorry, O-Town, I’ll never stop loving you.

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