Ta rah 6 Music, Radio 1 Xtra and 50% of the BBC website. Granted, the latter two don’t mean a lot to me, but I’m full of woe over the demise of the only radio station I listen to. So, to quote Rage Against the Machine, [what is this] In The Name Of?
The Billy Big Balls’ of BBC, Mr Thompson and Sir Something Lyons are breaking hearts worldwide axing these digital radio stations (I thought DAB was the future?) in a bid to save £600m from 2011.
This £600m, one fifth of the total licence fee, is being ploughed back in to fufill its core mission of ‘making good, quality drama’. That fat chunk of money, which would kit me out in some shit hot YSL’s and Louboutins – but whatever, far exceeds the annual programme spend of Channel 4 who’ve provided us with such delights as Boy A, The Hanging of Gary Glitter and Oh My Gosh, My Son Was Born With A Moose For A Head. Or something.
One area of the Beeb to be improved is that of daytime television; I’ll be sorry to see you go, Jessica Fletcher. However, I can’t see Cash in the Attic being axed without having a pensioner mutiny on our hands but I’d quite happily forfeit Doctors. The waiting room of a GPs surgery is never entertaining and, oh – quelle surprise, a dramatisation of one is even worse.
Unfortunately, an area that is to remain untouched is that of the apparently sacred BBC3. A channel designed to be down with da kidz and aimed as us young’uns who fall into the 16-34 category. I’m yet to find someone over the age of fifteen who is interested in the chronically dull countdowns of the best Eastenders moments or the George Lamb fronted drivvle about finding Britain’s best Mechanic/Hairdresser/Butcher/Rapist*. Since the astronomically fabulous, female-front comedy Pulling was pulled (ha ha ha), the channel has relied on Snog, Marry or Avoid (a “makeunder” show where that one that replaced the cokehead from Atomic Kitten gives a trashy, insecure, nearly-naked mess a cardigan and a wet wipe), as well as showing the relentlessly unfunny American Dad at midnight and a few other shows about something or nothing that I haven’t seen, but would bet my mother on them being below par.
Expect more operatic themed documentaries hitting BBC4, something about nothing particularly important on BBC3, Andy Parsons being even less comical on Mock The Week and shit all else bar Beardy McNoNeck and Irish McSmiley on The One Show on Beeb One. It’s enough to make me want to weep into my licence fee direct debit mandate.
*I totally made that last one up.